About the club

Our Mission Statement

Our continuing mission is to source high quality local condiments and share them among our members for the purpose of culinary delight.

This an old-school analog club. No emails, no discussion forum.

This club is operated 100% by standard mail (USPS, FedEX, UPS, whatever). Once per month, the next member on the list will send out a condiment to all the other members. Along with that particular condiment, they will send a number of other documents.

  1. A copy of the club’s Mission Statement and rules.
  2. A statement of the condiment. This is the most important part (besides the actual condiment). You must describe what it is, why you believe it to be special, some background on it, and how you believe it should be best used. We like these descriptions to be flowery and fun and in the style of a product description from the J. Peterman Catalogue from Seinfeld.
  3. A current member list as you have it. You should review membership lists as they come to you from month to month and add to your own list accordingly. You have an obligation to keep your own up-to-date list of all current members in any way that you find appropriate.
  4. A Statement of Obligation of the Next Member. This should clearly state what month you sent your condiments out to the members, which member is due next according to your roster, and in which month they are obligated to send their package.

If a member fails to supply a condiment to the club in the month they are due, then the following month the subsequent member shall send their condiment package and remove the failing member from the roster and the removed member shall lose their membership rank.

The more members there are in the club, the more time in between the time you are obligated to send out packages of condiments. On the other hand, it also increases the cost. For example if there are 12 members in the club, you will send once per year, but you’ll be sending 11 copies of the condiment out. If there’s 120 members in the club, you’ll only send once a decade, but you’ll also be sending out 119 copies. Quite the endeavor.

New members must “buy-in” by taking their turn in the month that they join. This will be coordinated by mail with the club president. This ensures that no one gets a free ride.

We are open to all kinds of condiments so long as they have a good story to them. Local and hard-to-find condiments are of course preferred over nationwide mass-produced condiments. But if you’ve got a good enough reason and a good enough J. Peterman type story, then the rest of the club might not “boo” you.

This is an American club. You do NOT have to be in the Midwest to join the club. But you DO need to reside in the United States.

We are condiment evangelicals.

We want you to share the condiments you receive and help grow the club. Spread your knowledge and passion. Bring new members to the table. There is more to life than basic ketchup & mustard (not that there’s anything wrong with them).